Người lớn làm hư trẻ bằng lì xì

Lì xì nhiều khiến trẻ hiểu sai về giá trị tiền bạc, lầm tưởng ai cho nhiều tiền thì yêu mình hơn, các chuyên gia tâm lý cảnh báo.

Gần một năm nhưng chị Nguyễn Thu Phương, 37 tuổi ở Mỹ Đình (quận Nam Từ Liêm) vẫn chưa quên câu chuyện vừa buồn vừa xấu hổ Tết năm ngoái. Khi về quê chồng ở Nam Định, vừa lì xì cho đứa cháu trai 8 tuổi, cậu bé lập tức mở phong bao rồi bĩu môi: “Sao lại có 50.000 đồng? Cô là người thành phố mà mừng ít thế”. Nói xong, cậu vứt luôn phong bao lì xì trước mặt người lớn, đút tiền vào túi, chạy đi. Em trai 6 tuổi cũng ứng xử y hệt.

Người lớn làm hư trẻ bằng lì xì

Hoá ra, họ hàng nhà chồng chị toàn lì xì 100.000 đồng. “Họ toàn làm nông, không hiểu sao lại chịu chi thế? Nhà cũng đâu ít trẻ con”, chị Phương nói. Chị còn buồn vì những phong bao đẹp mà mình mất công chọn bị ném thẳng không thương tiếc.

Chị Nguyễn Minh Ngọc 28 tuổi, nhân viên một công ty quảng cáo ở quận Cầu Giấy, cũng rơi vào hoàn cảnh tương tự. Tết 2019, chị bức xúc vì bị hai cháu con anh họ chê keo kiệt, dù đã lì xì 100.000 đồng mỗi đứa.

“Nhà giàu, được bố mẹ mừng tuổi một – hai triệu nên chúng cũng mặc định người khác mừng tuổi như thế. Chúng còn hỏi nhau xem được bao nhiêu tiền rồi và khen ông chú đến trước tôi lì xì nhiều hơn”, chị Ngọc nói, “Thấy con như vậy, anh họ cũng chẳng góp ý, chỉ bảo chúng ra ngoài chơi”.

Người lớn làm hư trẻ bằng lì xì
Người lớn làm hư trẻ bằng lì xì

Bố mẹ, người lớn lì xì quá nhiều có thể khiến trẻ có cái nhìn sai lệch về tiền bạc. Ảnh: Shutterstock.

Chị Nguyễn Thùy Dương 30 tuổi (quận Đống Đa) từng chứng kiến cháu 5 tuổi, con chị gái, ăn vạ vì tiền lì xì không bằng các bạn khác.

“Lúc đó, cháu tôi đang chơi cùng bốn đứa trẻ hàng xóm. Tôi lì xì ngẫu nhiên cho cả nhóm, trong mỗi phong bao có một tờ tiền mệnh giá khác nhau”, chị Dương kể. “Lũ trẻ mở phong bao ngay lập tức. Thấy mình được 50.000 đồng trong khi có bạn được 100.000 đồng, cháu tôi gào lên, giãy đành đạch. Chị tôi xấu hổ, phải đưa con vào nhà. Năm phút sau, thằng bé chạy ra, cầm thêm tờ 50.000 đồng nữa, cười như nắc nẻ”.

Theo phó giáo sư – tiến sĩ tâm lý Trần Thành Nam, Đại học Giáo dục (Đại học Quốc gia Hà Nội), bản chất lì xì là lời chúc may mắn của người lớn đến trẻ con và lời chúc sức khỏe của người trẻ đến người già. Ngày nay, tục lì xì bị biến tướng, vật chất hóa. “Người ta chỉ coi trọng số tiền bên trong chứ không nhớ đến ý nghĩa lì xì nữa”, ông Nam nhận định.

Đồng quan điểm với ông Nam, thạc sĩ tâm lý Nguyễn Tú An (Hà Nội) cho rằng, lì xì nhiều có thể khiến trẻ em nhìn nhận sai về giá trị tiền bạc, lầm tưởng tiền là biểu tượng của yêu thương và sức mạnh, ai cho mình nhiều tiền thì yêu mình hơn. Trong một số trường hợp, nhất là những gia đình có bố mẹ “làm to”, trẻ vô tình trở thành công cụ của người lớn nên dễ mất niềm tin vào người xung quanh. “Những trẻ nhạy cảm có thể nhận ra khách tới nhà lì xì để lấy lòng bố mẹ chúng chứ không xuất phát từ tấm lòng”, bà An lý giải.

Đặc biệt, lì xì còn dẫn đến mức mâu thuẫn không đáng có giữa những đứa trẻ với nhau.

 Ngày nay, hiện tượng trẻ con so bì tiền mừng tuổi không hề hiếm. Bà An còn từng gặp trường hợp một bé gái 14 tuổi ghét anh trai chỉ vì anh được mừng tuổi nhiều gấp đôi. “Người lớn không giải thích, cô bé ấy tự hiểu rằng mình không được yêu quý bằng anh trai”, vị chuyên gia nói.

Phó giáo sư Nam cảnh báo thêm người lớn, nhất là bố mẹ, không nên dùng lì xì như phần thưởng cho trẻ nhỏ. Ông phân tích: “Nhiều nghiên cứu tâm lý học chỉ ra phần thưởng vật chất như lì xì chỉ tạo ra động cơ bên ngoài, khiến trẻ ‘nhập vai’ giả tạo để nhận thưởng chứ không thực sự thay đổi từ bên trong”.

Để hạn chế sự biến tướng tiêu cực của tục lì xì, phó giáo sư Nam gợi ý người lớn nên mừng tuổi con trẻ bằng hạt giống hoa, sách hoặc thời gian chơi đùa cùng nhau. “Nghiên cứu não bộ chỉ ra phần thưởng bằng tiền chỉ làm sáng một vùng nhỏ trên não còn phần thưởng bằng hoạt động xã hội làm sáng nhiều vùng hơn”, ông Nam cho biết.

“Người lớn phải thay đổi trước tiên”, thạc sĩ An nhấn mạnh. “Thay vì chỉ coi trọng số tiền, bạn hãy dạy trẻ ý nghĩa của lì xì. Ngoài ra, cũng nên tập thói quen chu đáo hơn, đừng đưa thẳng tiền mà hãy cẩn thận bỏ vào phong bì đỏ. Như thế, trẻ mới cảm nhận được sự trân trọng”.

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